i am speechless

in what is most likely the stupidest (yet most rewarding) thing i have done since coming to japan...i read Haruki Murakami's South of the Border, West of the Sun cover to cover straight through...no stop for food, drink, anything...it is now 3:55 am

i was going to go to bed at 12, get a good night's sleep, be ready to do well in class tomorrow and have a good rest

apparently not

now i am driven to write, at this dead hour, my thoughts on what i say with no exaggeration is either the best book ever written, or the best translation of a book ever performed..

this book made me cry
this book made me ecstatic

i have never read any words (except maybe from Nabokov) that were so...beautiful

Her hand, which up till then had laid on the back of the sofa, she now placed on her knee. I stared vacantly at her fingers tracing the plaid patter of her skirt. There was something mysterious about it, as if invisible thread emanating from her fingertips spun together an entirely new concept of time. I closed my eyes, and in the darkness, whirlpools flashed before me. Countless whirlpools were born and disappeared without a sound. Off in the distance, Nat King Cole was singing "South of the Border." The song was about Mexico, but at the time I had no idea. The words "south of the border" had a strangely appealing ring to them. I was convinced something utterly wonderful lay south of the border. When I opened my eyes, Shimamoto was still moving her fingers along her skirt. Somewhere deep inside my body I felt an exquisitely sweet ache.

there are so many emotions i'm feeling after reading this book, but i think the main two are these
1) i want to create something like Murakami did
2) all the loves of the main character's life, rolled into one, is my girlfriend...i think one reason that this novel was not-put-downable was that everytime i turned the page, i found something else about my gf that, no matter how hard i try, is beyond my level of expression...for the first 20 pages solid i just thought "well there's another way of talking about the woman i love...why didn't i think of that"

the ending reminds me of 6th sense...not so much cuz of some twist on death ending, but just...the novel leaves you saying 'holy crap holy crap what did i just experience' and a deep desire to share it with others

please, everyone who reads this, either buy the book and read it, get it from a library, or when i am back in america, borrow it from me...you will not be let down...this is the single greatest work of literature EVER

ok well since it's so late, i suppose i shouldn't really go to sleep now...i'll study some so i don't have to tomorrow night, and can sleep to make up for my foolishness...of course, this book *sigh* i could not put it down in the literal sense...i feel that if i had put it down to go to sleep, i would have felt empty inside...unfinished...

of course it doesn't help that i slept a bajillion years yesterday as kyle-time after my horrid day on tuesday, where i felt like i didn't know anything, and i was on the verge of crying, or even a breakdown...right there in class, my mind went blank and i didn't know what was going on...i guess i pushed myself too hard with studies...i can't remember the last time i got out to do something fun w/o it being school related...the beginning of november...

ever since my bday, that following weekend was
saturday - kamakura (school)
sunday - ghibli (school)

next weekend was oh gosh i don't remember...i think i stayed at home and did laundry...no that was last weekend, and two weekends ago it was raining? maybe that's it...but whatever, i haven't been to machida nor akihabara like i've wanted to...so i can get an electronic dictionary...i need to get one but haven't found the time yet...and i wanna go to machida to eat subway and la pausa's pizza also...

also being here, just studying and that's-about-it, i've gotten to think...what is it that makes me me?

i can study nearly all the time, completely holed up, w/o interacting with anyone, just pushing myself...am i happy? i wouldn't call it happy, so much as something i can do, and do well

could i do this the rest of my life? sit all by myself and study?
no

what is it that i hope to achieve out of life? well...i know that one, but i'm not gonna tell you ^_~ ask me in private exchange sometime...if you really wanna know that bad you'll make the effort ^_^ hehehe

ok posting time